I am working on minding my business. It doesn't work. Lol jk it's going great! 

 okay so i thought about this white man. identities white southern artistic austistic social work background? now!  I know people in his family rasict. He already told me.  Now, this needs to be reflected on because wait. do white men get scared easily? i dont think so a lil bit lmao cause black men dont get scared but like they be like battling with "you go against social norms" to the point that they got to question how much THEY go against social norms. and most white boys know they gay. so less work. Black women. sigh. I wanna love yall!!! and I will and do!!!!  Im not dating a white woman. No shade. lmao. never say never? no.  Ima tell him "I will leave you for a black woman." Im not gone shoot my shot. but i might. i just want company and sex. and i celebrate that. i feel like he gone get on my nervous so im not ALWAYS gone want his company.  im nervous

 someone looked at that post and didnt comment. convinced blogger numbers gotta be bots. i almost offered do nude for comment but EFF yall and it lol. I'll love my bots

 i used to cry inside when bitches didnt follow me back. i knew em in real life.  errrrrrrtime i cry over some shit i got "thats why it ain't happen. thats why you was crying" but forreal. im on a "remove this follower" spree

 aw my colleague helped me realize why y'all turning into disney adults. they did... they programmed y'all so hard. whether you thought being able to go meant you had money. if you thought attending was a chance at you to connect to something you didn't know you could imagine. or whatever. so you holding on. move on bitch! that white man was racist! next! lol no shade. Your inner child got so much to it baby keep going.

 y'all looking at my posts more. yall bots???? whoever read this leave a comment. im forreal. 

 Why would I come off like “I know it all”. … cause what you know you need to contribute and share!  Just wanna say I got the moisture out my room. It wasn't as much as I thought it was. I'm grateful. I wanna note that bitch from Harlots said I'm moving from hulu to starz! CABLE TV IN THE BOX BABY  why is their a Konica Minolta manufactuer(?) in North Carolina and it has nothing to do with cameras and something to do with Duke Energy

 ugh I woke up sad this morning and it's because I'm not famous.  My artwork is not done.  My substack garned a view from a man who's followed me on Youtube as well and I need myself to not elaborate more on him to show how much I don't give a fuck.  I went to bed dreaming of letting a white man touch me intimately  I dreamt of supporting a previous enemy, having a lover, exploring, and... having me. my life.  So when I wake up. And I have no hits online.  And I asked Stephen to be an editor and he's not responded, and I remind myself how he hardly did such things when we were physically near each other. And I watched a damn tarot reading on Tik Tok. It wasn't bad! It said slow down though to process what's occuring. I'm gonna journal and how that counts. 

 I love notebook journaling… I wanna be cybertron and do it on my laptop thought. Praying it's effective and I don’t end up shorted. I think I notice the difference in writing though. In all ym writing I actively believe at some point it will be read by a larger audience. But In my notebook I'm more like to speak specifically on PEOPLE, and my feelings. So I may need to (will be keeping) keep that around.

 I love notebook journaling… I wanna be cybertron and do it on my laptop thought. Praying it effective and I don’t end up shorted.

 ooooh we're moving on from fake news to fake work. Like your organization/body claimed to do xyz but .... where?

 just said to myself "i need some weed. i am NOT shaming myself, but I am curious to know what made me feel that way. I notice that right before I thought it, I was in the middle of typing, and heard the lawnmover. I thought of how the energy of people working would be around me.  it's not bad. I feel shame for thinking that. Why would that matter to me? I ... I think life's easier with less energy like that around.  The energy of labor is a social norm passed amongst groups at wide spread rates. And as some seek to put it down, others pick it up avidly. And there's a shame.  Because, why did you do that?  What did I do wrong?  (that ended as a poem from Black Americans to Hispanic Americans regarding why they didn't stand in solidarity with Black Americans in their fight to freedom/interest-based economies/a lot)  they were there in existence. let me go smoke this clip thats smaller than a clip

 Men ACTIVELY engage. Now granted, I even kinda shout black men out in that bitch. But like. I need them to understand nothing is for the male gaze (whatever that means). So my discussions don't warrant men to come out of the woodworks.  You all should be in your little burrows.... reading and reflecting and getting to change.  Lmao I basically don't want the internet knowing I associate with men!!!!!!!

 BECAUSE ITS LIKE A SHIT. I overflow and start turning into someone I don't want to be and then I hate myself and I get a type of off myself like whats the point. But when Im NICE TO MYSELF and I speak how i want! I can think so positively in the midst of what i initially believe is negativity but actually morphs into positivity cause how can you stay negative when you know shit gonna work out. 

  My aunt mother. Happily just purchased her licensed weapon. Why was I raised to be weary of them? How many women are in the United States. How many women derive from enslaved women. How many of those women have been on birth control. How much longer will it be until the percentage of Black people in this country dwindles to an even small percentage.  You’ll tell me “it’s because more people are moving in”. I’ll tell you they’re killing us.  You’ll tell me I’m a heretic. I’ll tell you theres no reason a group of intellectuals would NOT give a needy group support… knowing they need support. I.e. Reconstruction.  You’ll say “It’s not that deep”. I’ll say that contributes to the erasure and that you likely have some type of familial or general existential matter to work through before we can have such conversations.” And I’ll tell myself that I’ll be okay after thinking such thoughts.  I’ve told me it’s okay. “It’s natural for a people to die off”.  I’m ...

Photos for my last article. Yes, that's a noose to the right. On a bell. Oh well.  I'm practicing Slide Film! I love how it make white people look. Gotta use it on some more light skins.   

 Live updated as I read. *listen, go get a free library card so you can access audiobooks on platforms like Hoopla* Thoughts so far: The other day two white men called me brave for going to Statesville North Carolina where I met up with two white men who had a noose in their front yard. I told myself it was artistic by the time I left that house. But also, two white men calling me brave is not favorable. Two white men calling me brave is two white men holding up a status quo they THINK they understand. And it is that dual consciousness that makes me go "no, I cannot fuck a white man". You see, in the chapter Self-Defense Forces Protection, there's a scene where a "police authority" (quotes cause that shit is made up cause why do police exist if they get to pick and choose what they want to protect every few years/decades/centuries?) says  "well if you shoot any of these white people I'm gonna kill you!" and Robert Williams writes "I don't ...

 I know weed is not for me. Weed feels like I can have some cool thoughts on it. Weed seems like it speeds up my process. Weed seems like it's chill... cause I'm just reflecting. Sobriety makes me feel fine.Sobriety I feel like I'm okay. Reflecting. Weed makes me contemplate religion. Weeds make me contemplate my believe versus acceptance system. With weed, think of history. With weed I think of ...  Alright let's start.  I wanted to explore how I sew on weed. Perhaps its an attempt to explore how the experience impacts my sewing *tries really hard to imagine Southern grandmas (are you only picturing white women!?) ( Lol, my grandmother. attempting to speak to me. Ugh, is it bad I want to believe in ancestry? Ancestoral guidance? I FEEL LIKE IT! I tried to feel accepting it toward it in 2016. (aye you say dates so that the reader "At anytime" can feel like they were there "or is easily necesarry can research that period, have an idea of the time you'r...

 A story of not considering events for times they occur. Enjoying time. Was he Pan Africnist? Do I want  a blog like carrie. Were my dreams ever common. Does that matter? Megan Tickets. Friends events. Rhetoric on the word friend. When my people speak for me - an analysis of the practice music lyrics set in place by promoting various standards, i.e. the Kash Kommandments. I'm smoking, thinking, "oh this is empowering", Then she get's ta,  I thought I was gonna have to cuss Genius out, then Google (I still might); but now I realize it's you, the reader *In my Carrie voice*.  Okay let's pause. I have to admit that I won't let myself rewatch Sex in the City again. Listen, I've seen people bullshit "That's my show" "I can watch it all the time". To be truthful, my sister taught me about the schedule method. "These are my go-to shows". " People's events.  Did I put blkmrkt on a schedule? pedestal*. Or did I treat m...

 It feels horific and scary. Like I'm monetizing everything I do. I fear I can't just be, because the things that excite me or are kind of chill... are really intentional things to generate traffic or income. This guilt is getting me and I need to let it go. How?

I’d love to talk about a current rhetoric in the south. It goes by the name of “do you believe in God?” You’d be with your friends. They’d go “well I don’t know about YOU but I believe in God.” You’d be with your dad and they’d say “Talk to God about it” or in my case “did you pray today?”  *cue the video*  I taught a little boy who actively reposts content framed as “share this if you love Jesus”. And ooh wee I could go “THATS A SORRY ASS WAY TO GET CONTENT AND IMPRESSIONS”, but I won’t.  I went to bed last night accepting that I’d go look for a job soon. I said “this is a good time”. I let the thought flow, even indulged it and said “yeah it’s been about a good time. My dreams can still come true”. And I did my normal routine and went to bed.  And boy though them shadows come out at night in the DAYTIME I’m on go. Sharing content. Learning, exploring. Calculating lol.  So my exploration today was influenced by Derita Design on Instagram, an amazing studio in a...

 Fear of alignment currently looks like  Me: sees something and gets drawn to it. Me: No. That's more money to spend. You're running low.  Me: Every move I make right now is FOR my benefit. How am I supposed to choose between keeping myself safe, and still running low, and keeping myself afloat, and not knowing what's next.  I am safe. Running low is I don't currently know where the next income is coming from. I know it's coming. I don't know HOW. I can't quite say I have anticipation. Maybe irritation. Why can't I know? Why is it... hard to develop an idea of what could happen for me.  I told myself perhaps I need to write out "hey, this is what I want to happen". Then I think of Dany L.'s text, with it's amazing ending. How he starts by documenting things. He starts observing his transition into writing. He documents his process of surrounding in the midst of his writing. He captures the end of the writing.  The part where he no longe...

 I've been sewing for the last 3 weeks. The ideas keep coming back, and I keep feeding into them. Getting my new Japanese Machine has exarbated everything.  And I'm making content. The content naturally reflects what's taking place in my life. And currently, what's taking place is sewing. I'm concerned that I'll engage an audience...regarding said sewing.... and that I'll feel the new to keep delivering such content in a effort to maintain an audience. But it doesn't work that way. A large part of what's to come will be the reflection of my existence, and little of what's being made. The latter shall be honored, but the keepsake is the experience of spending time with you (me).  So I'll post on here, in preparation for making an Instagram and Youtube reel. Here goes, Hey Sewing Friends. The sewing bug has bit me. I'm in her clutches. How're we liking the Bloomer Shorts? They ended up in my butt, so I'm not a hoochie coochie girl B...

 When I woke up yesterday, I had the plans to do TWO things (one but you know mamas get in the way): Drop my nieces and nephew off to their nana. Host my first sewing class.  Did that happen? No. Now let's storytime. 1. Them Kids. I can't help but be the auntie who goes "are you even learning in school? let's confirm". I'll typically place an emphasis on art/expression. For the last several years, we started off going to parks and just generally being within the community. Now, we're starting to explore local art districts, museums, and galleries. Yesterday we went to a smaller gallery for photography after discussing topics like "what is art?" and "what does it mean to express yourself?". I'm currently waiting on a video in which the middle is supposed to be reciting a poem from her graduation.  Their response to the gallery? So so. They observed. But there was A LOT in the place, beyond the gallery, so they were keen to exploring ...

It’s 4:26. Around 3:30 I was thinking “everytime I start to feel a little good, I feel a new perspective and start to feel a little bad again”.  So here’s my tips to navigate that.  1. When you feel fear, you are fearing what you don’t know.   To fix this, go learn. A lot of the things we don’t know readily have information available to them online. If there’s no formal answer to your fear, then there is likely a community in existence that DOES speak on exploring your fear. It’s still beneficial to look this up, since at the least you can develop awareness on more words to use to express your fear.  2. Go ahead and claim the fear.  I’m so quick to put my fear on blast. “What is it?” “Why are you here?” “Where did it come from?” The last is especially helpful since often time fears can develop from our community (like your parents) and then pass to you. So it’s not like you KNOW and CHOSE that fear. You just picked up some leftovers. And those are easy to t...

 So when you're like "omg I love how she talks her shit", go to it ... so you can admire me as I stare off into space and talk MORE shit. 

    *So I continued on. Wishing and hoping that I'd get some BIG IDEA that could coast me through my college research. I knew it would be Black related. But overtime I grew sad. Anytime I reflected on where I came from, I felt sadness. How could I be happy seeing my people engage in things without knowing why they were engaging with them. However my emotions were saved by Black Women. Those working class and lower. I said " Damn. Now them some bitches who know how to take something effed up and make it GREAT. " Cause frankly, using ANYTHING that comes out of beauty supply store demonstrates resilience and creativity and however circumstances don't have to matter. Ranging from itchy kanekalon**, to harmful nickle***-fused earrings, and don't forget the hair jam that pulls your edges out. I was amazed and reaffirmed by the trial and error of constantly wasting money on things that wont work GREAT for your hair, wardrobe, makeup, and overall wellbeing, yet this group...

 When I was in college, I spoke passionately to my professor about where I'd come from.  "THE KIDS WHERE THRASHER SHIRTS! WHY ARE BLACK KIDS FROM LOW WORKING CLASS BACKGROUNDS MAKING IT THEIR MISSION TO WEAR THRASHER SHIRTS AND THEY DON'T EVEN SKATEBOARD!" It wasn't quite like what you see today with Amiri shirts or Gallery Department or VLone. Though I'll speak on those later.  Now what I did not quite do (idk if it was interest of availability of information, or just knowing HOW to research what I felt so curious about... just google it).  I just let my curiosity sit. It soon morphed in thinking I wanted a job researching how trends begin and project where they'll head in efforts to cater to groups and their needs better. (I got the idea from that ABC show... about the mixed family that had a new secret come out every episode? The black brother tracked corn trends and made a song about it on parents career day).  But alas, immediately after college I thi...

I am writing because I want to make art and I have so many thoughts that I have literally been prescribed to write them out. So here goes; I had a conversation, it revolved on slavery and the systems that have had to morph into place in response to its legacy.  These systems include: Laws to maintain the environment that was built when slavery was "legally" declared status quo. New communities in response to the end of that system, but also in adjustment to those laws. These laws include a variety of form of policing. At one point they were explicitly specific to the nature and wellbeing of Black people. However, this is a façade. and has been one. Racism was a distraction for the general economic framework in which varying groups do different tasks, that are just passed down the line (assembled based on teachings of materials to be handled) as new tasks forms.  This is a legacy of how we see the Romans maintained control over what is now referred to as the Middle East. But w...