Time works out for me

 A story of not considering events for times they occur. Enjoying time. Was he Pan Africnist? Do I want  a blog like carrie. Were my dreams ever common. Does that matter? Megan Tickets. Friends events. Rhetoric on the word friend. When my people speak for me - an analysis of the practice music lyrics set in place by promoting various standards, i.e. the Kash Kommandments. I'm smoking, thinking, "oh this is empowering", Then she get's ta, 

I thought I was gonna have to cuss Genius out, then Google (I still might); but now I realize it's you, the reader *In my Carrie voice*. 

Okay let's pause. I have to admit that I won't let myself rewatch Sex in the City again. Listen, I've seen people bullshit "That's my show" "I can watch it all the time". To be truthful, my sister taught me about the schedule method. "These are my go-to shows". " People's events. 

Did I put blkmrkt on a schedule? pedestal*. Or did I treat my family bad? OR both. These are the things I'm concerned about. 

Do people ever get on social media like "hey y'all, I'm on my last two dollars, can you help me go viral so I can get out this situation". Lmao now wait, is that wrong? Can we set a schedule up for that locally? Get on everyone's radar. Is that how we turn social internet platforms into utilities since they won't do it? Or it's just not happening with intention? Eh, okay. 

*I'm going through something where I'm trying not to question big business leaders. I think they just don't understand intersectionality. Like they KNOW it exists, but they don't know how to use it as PEOPLE, perhaps because they experienced an influx of considering people as TOOLS. 

Ugh, another one of my concerns. That in my progress for social media, using it, making content. That I'm losing the people aspect. I'm only seeing numbers *250 views*, not seeing who the people are behind them. Let's be real, 

I feel like i DID experience something that made me question myself. 

I experienced a people, everytime I interacted, I saw new layers. I knew not to have complete doubt, which allowed me to experience more and more layers, in my perspective**, however in my doubts, I never quite lost my intial hold ups. I.e., there is SOMETHING about your art that pushes you to move around. And that's not a bad thing. I do question the coroporate job also. 

You're not dumb though! You *cue thought on how me speaking directly to a people on the internet is gonna influence people to come to this page cause people are nosey, though i think a bulk of Southern Americans (possibly a little expanded to the Midwest) are. Now how's social media up north? Cause I'm convinced it's different. It's jumping. Y'all ain't let it go! But your circles are tightly wound. I think y'all connect with your communities stronger on the internet. The south does not, (are peple truly just tired and worn out, and keeping up with peers is a task?), like when you FOCUS HARD on what you doing, does it become harder to talk to your peers? You see them when you see them, and when you don't it's okay? 

Or am I having a bi-pilor episode and after months of feeling like I don't really care for my families actions, wait no, that was "I'm learning about myself, I don't know how to properly process this, or that's not a familiar practice to mebecause I'm just used to accepting and continuing to be around every layer of my family". What're layers to family you ask? (that's my T.K. voice). 

Omg I'm doing this thing where I'll think something and I'll be like "no, I'm not gonna do that, it could be predatory, and then I think of it in a non predadtory way." 

Ugh, I hate that I want your opinion. I know I'll not need it by the time you respond though. 

Okay! so my theory:

Social Media DOES include a sameness to it. That one guy making 10 minute clips on Tik Tok while you "Do something". The people are calling it a autistic or adhd thing". YOU feel like you need someone to do something with you. Be there, don't have to talk. I think everyone's desires differ though. I like a lil conversation in mine (which will completely morph into my thinking I'm in love and willing to stay with you for forever... omg did I just call out marriage?) 

So if we're all together, We are..... seeking out videos that may 

Make us feel included, like we were there (some videos of events cant really do this. Other will make it feel like a museum, like I am just watching something occur). I'm trying to figure out which one is preferable, but frankly that could get down into personalities built from life experiences. I HATED the concept of FOMO. I felt like it really spoke to something but was immediately acryonymed and popularized as the acronym. It also wasn't clarified when shared. 

You are not scared of Missing That Event. You are scared of missing out on life in it's entirety. And this may be because you are not living the life you want to live. 

Now, social media. How am I gonna write this? 

Blogger > Big IDEA, Theory land > Pinterest > Idea Building and experiecing, and sharing as learning, providing graphic (may need a shorter CAPTION BUT I BELIEVE THAT SOCIAL MEDIA PRACTICE IS GONNA PASS TO PINTEREST BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR CAMRADERIE IN THEIR INTERESTS BUT IM STILL GONNA PUT LONGER CAPTIONS IN THE COMMENTS TO SEE IF THAT GENERATES MORE TRAFFIC

BUT ALSO

Why is it that social media, no Youtube does that things... where the videos get a low count... then they blow up... like you may be thinking "this is a good video. People gonna like it... and then they take forever to share your platform", but also... they have room to fix this because, I've found that when I search a topic IIIII like, it only gives me 10-ish videos about that topic, then immediately after will start listing videos I've already seen, or are not related. It's just, I'm convinced after seeing how niche content can get, there's more room for more creators. I'm sure there's a reason for this (hoping, cause y'all what if it's not). 

I've managed to stop letting my fears of weed cause me to feel like I have a variety of disorders. 

But now I'm nervous. Because when I allowed myself to start back smoking weed, I felt like (girl you want to be an artist. SO many black artist die young. Drugs may not be the DIRECT CAUSE but they are... this is stumpting me. If I say taken, I'll be listing it as a BIG factor. If I say "a factor", it still sounds as if it could have causation. Causation sucks because... I really think the causation don't be the drugs but the government not having proper tools in place that demonstrates it understands intersectionality. 

I wanted to help build a body for the music industry with an intentional focus on mental health. Now I'm considering, regulations within the government that , no funds offered from the government that allow - grants... but not grants... chile let me think about it. How hard is it? I'm supposed ot be finding out today. 

Omg I need to talk about how jail support makes me feel. And blkmrkt. They make me feel like I don't need to make decisions or classify people extremely quickly. 

Y'all I have someone who's nice to me when I'm sober and they're not, or when we're both not sober. It's like... damn. 

My ex was mean to me when she wasn't sober and when she ... was? I feel like sober could be strong word for marijuana, but she really wasn't nice in those moments! lmao. 

I wanted to go to this event. Now I don't know. Cause I'm thinking... regardless of how those people make me learn that.. again I still feel aligned to some of my initial thoughts which is "those people don't fuck with me", I mean they don't show it at all in the typical ways. The only think they do, is respect my existence. Treat me with kindness. Feel comfortable sharing their thoughts with honesty. Something about it feels hard though. They don't show me that they need me.. They don't... And I wouldn't want them to in reality and actuality. They don't beg me to stay. They don't need to because I'm there. Ah is this love lmao. 

I had a really rough week with one. I'm so scared I'm not where I'm supposed to be. My grandma would tell me to stop whatever is making me feel that way. Then I won't. I told her I ask "Well shouldn't I explore why I feel that way?"

And then I feel like ima have my own story in the Bible (is that text gonna be replaced as standard? Omg with what? I mean... we've downed it from the Kings James Version (and not recently, like over the last 50-100+ years). I think my issue is that sometimes I have my own reaction to what I'm saying. Like there, you should be saying "omg I never thought of it that way". I wrote a poem on two selves. I'm gonna share it. 

I'm good. Gonna go sew. Love You.